I have been doing a study about Hosea and as I was wrapping up the last day and spending some time reflecting and praying I had a "down on my knees" kind of moment. At first I really wasn't sure what I have learned over the last couple of weeks; but then I got it. Below is my prayer. It wasn't anything super profound. But it's my heart today and maybe yours.
Lord. I am not sure what I have learned from the study of Hosea. I think it's more subtle. I feel like it's more of the daily ways that I turn from you by the ways I sin. I know that anytime I sin it is as if I turn my back on you. It may not feel as dramatic as the prodigal son or the fall of a whole nation like Israel but it hurts you non the less.
Thank you that your mercies are new each day. Thank you for pouring grace over my undeserving head. Thank you for loving me so hard and passionately that you wait for me but still pursue me at the same time. Then you welcome me with completely, unhinged arms. Your arms are unhinged because they don't have the functionality to close on me. I know sin is just part of it, and I will daily fall short. But please give me an awareness and a conviction to do life better. When life is messy (which lately has felt like every day) help me to find you in your place of organization and peace. I want to find you before it gets messy because often times when I feel like I'm searching for you it's because I feel lost. The only way I get to that lost place is my own self getting in the way. By seeking you first everything else will fall into place.
Why is that so hard for me? I know the churchy answer is because I'm human. But I want more than that. I want to be better than that. Although that is my heart and desire I am so so thankful for your grace. Thank you for saving me daily even when I am the only sheep that has gone astray. Thank you for reaching your hand out to me and saving me in my day to day when I feel like pulling all my hair out sounds like a better idea than having to deal with a toddler tantrum.
