Enough

Over the last week I have had the same message given to me twice… You are enough. To be honest, I didn't know I really needed to hear this, but after really spending time with God asking why are you telling me this? I broke down and realized the wall I had placed up. I did need to hear that. The ways in which I felt inadequate were not slapping me in the face.

The first time I heard it, I was at the movies at a Girls' Night Out with the ladies from my church small group. The movie we saw was "Moms' Night Out" - totally fitting, right? One of the moms in the movie is the mom that's a hot mess with 3 kids, messy house, minivan, always in her pjs and permanently has the "I haven't slept in x amount of years of my oldest child" look on her face. (Not all those attributes describe me… I don't have a minivan.) She is longing to feel like she has a purpose, to be enough, to feel like all that she is doing is good and worth it. During the "ah-ha" moment of the movie the mom is asked "Who are you not enough for? You?" That's it. That's the answer. Who do I not feel enough for? Me. The standards I have in my head have been set by me. Sure I can blame it on other mommy blogs or other social medias. But I allow that to be my standard.

We will come back to enough.

The second time I heard it, I was sent a link by my sweet sister in law to a Mother's Day sermon given at her church. The text in the sermon was John 4 - The Samaritan Woman. I listened to the sermon while I was getting ready yesterday morning. FYI… putting mascara on wet eye lashes is dumb. I didn't realize how emotional I would be after listening to that sermon. I can definitely relate to the Samaritan Woman. Sure, I don't find my validation in having 5 husbands, but substitute in appearance after having a baby, having only the very best for P (i.e. clothes, sippy cup, cutest shoes, etc), making sure I am staying on top of her development feeling like if she is behind on one single thing it's my fault. Lately it's been feeling inadequate to be a stay at home mom because I wasn't a teacher before having P. I have it in my head that teachers are better equipped to raise their children at home because they are skilled in child development. They know how to do the best activities, the best books to read or they know how to teach their children better. That's not true.

I have also been praying for a purpose. For some reason I have just felt kinda lost in being a stay at home mom and wife.

I love Peyton Jo with every single fiber of my being, but she doesn't define my life.
She doesn't make me who I am.
She doesn't validate me.
She is not the measure of my worth.

I matter because the son of God died for me so that I can be the daughter of God. 

In John 7 Jesus says: Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the scriptures declare 'Rivers of living water will flow from the heart.' What He means is the SPIRIT. In Acts 2 Jesus POURS the Holy Spirit in us. So what is flowing from my heart is flowing from the Holy Spirit. He pours into me so that I can be validated within. I am validated because HE is in me. That's ENOUGH. That makes me ENOUGH. It will never be well with my soul until Jesus is the well in my soul. The sweet voice of the Spirit whispers "You are Enough. You are the best mother to Peyton and you are the best wife to Aaron because I chose you to be and I am within you always."

I am not lost. I am exactly where I need to be… doing what God designed me to do. He made me to be a mom and wife (I like to call it Domestic Engineer). Some day I might go back to working outside the home or I may just dive head first into PTA and being the President of EVERYTHING my children are involved in. But those things will come as God has planned. I don't have to always be looking for something more. As long as I am abiding in Him, I will be guided down the path He has for me. I just need to listen and follow. I don't need to always be searching.

When the Samaritan Woman left the well she left her jar at the well because she no longer needed it to carry the water. She had the "living water" within. I want to be a bucket for Jesus. I want to be carrying the water and sharing it with others. Yes, I know, this is a metaphor. But I want to share with others the "living water" that God offers.

I really didn't know I needed that message, so He gave it to me twice. I got it.

So maybe you needed to hear it today. You are enough. You matter because God died for YOU. You are bought by HIS blood. xoxo Lauren

Some of the ladies of my first family from church.

And because you need one of my little sweetness in her happy place…