Messy Applesauce

A couple of weeks ago I was asked this question in my Ladies Bible Class: What does total surrender to Jesus look like? This was my answer:

Total surrender to Jesus looks like allowing my toddler who hasn't mastered a spoon eat applesauce out of a cup in my living room. It's so so very messy. There was applesauce smeared on the table. There was applesauce dropped on her clean shirt. There was applesauce in her hair and all over her face. So much applesauce EVERYWHERE. 

Even though I knew it was going to be crazy messy I had to let go of my control and let her do it. Why? Because it's necessary for her to grow. I mean, the girl has to know how to use a spoon. Amiright? 

I sat there and watched her conquer a new skill and I swelled with pride. I was so proud because she never got frustrated if she dropped it. She giggled and tried again. As I watched her, I realized how I was growing and learning with her. That was not just a moment for her to perfect a new skill, God was showing me what happens when I let go of my white-knuckling control. When I surrender, I grow. When I surrender, I learn new skills. When I surrender, He uses me for His glory. When I surrender, I give up my agenda to be His hands and feet. He doesn't promise it will be easy. He says it will be messy. But He says don't worry, I've overcome the world for you. (John 16:33) So take up your cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24)

Let go and surrender. It's messy, but it's necessary.

xoxo Lauren

October: A month of stretching

Do you ever have those days where you feel like God is allowing you to be really stretched? I kinda feel like I had a whole month full of stretching. One thing I have learned in my training for a half marathon, your muscles need to be torn down in order to build strength and endurance. God has been doing the same thing in my life and my walk with him.

There were 2 major events that took place, Aaron going to Switzerland on a business trip for 9 days and letting go of my dog, Bonnie. In both of these situations I know God was showing me I needed to rely on him. Upon reflection, there were moments when I got myself as far as I could on my own and then God stepped in.

While Aaron was in Swizterland I went on a mommy/daughter road trip with Peyton. We drove to Sweetwater to visit Aaron's family, to Lubbock to see my friends and family and finished up the drive across Texas in DFW to stay with my brother and sister in law! It was so much fun and there were so many great memories made! During this trip God taught me a lot about myself and my marriage. I realized how much I rely on my husband instead of God. Don't get me wrong, we make a great team and Aaron is a great team leader. So it's really easy to put him on the same level as God. But God didn't intend for my husband to be who I put my faith in; it should be God. Once I get those priorities right, everything else falls into place. He also showed me that with my faith in God I can do great things, like a road trip across Texas with a crazy toddler and I can survive 9 whole days without my husband. It was hard, let me tell you. I missed that man more than anyone I have ever missed in my life. I missed him with every single fiber of my being. But I survived! Thank God for FaceTime!

I genuinely think the rebuilding of my strength through the road trip was preparing me for putting down my dog, Bonnie. She was such a sweet and loving dog and was in my life for 14 years. Literally half of my life! I still remember the day we brought Bonnie home. My mom and I had been on a mission trip to New York and some family friends on the trip had convinced us that we needed one of their schnauzer puppies. So when we returned home from the mission trip we went to their house "just to look." Then we took an adorable black and white schnauzer home for a "trial run" aka "convince dad we need a dog." She never left our house. :) When Bonnie had puppies, the runt of the litter had a minor birth defect so we decided to keep her. Piglet made the perfect companion for Bonnie. They were quite the perfect pair. Bonnie was very calm, nurturing and sweet. Piglet is much more hyper, but still loving and sweet! I inherited Bonnie and Piglet when my parents divorced my freshman year of college. Then, they too gained the Fry last name with me. Aaron's mom and dad even called them their "grand dogs!" Mine and Aaron's relationship has only ever had Bonnie and Piglet in it. Bonnie has had some issues over the last 3 years so when it was her time to go it wasn't completely unexpected. God protected my heart and guided me every step of the way. When the vet told me it was "time" I was devastated, but felt peace. I was actually at a gala for Arms of Hope worshipping with Third Day when I got the call from my vet. How is that for perfect timing? Hello WORSHIPPING with Third Day... as in I was standing directly in front of Mac, the lead singer. The next day my family and friends rallied around me with phone calls, texts and prayers. Originally Aaron wasn't going to be able to go with me, but God worked that out. Aaron didn't want to go in the room with me which was ok. All I needed was to know that he and Peyton were in the waiting room for support. God was in the exam room with me. He was my strength. Bonnie is greatly missed by everyone that knew her. Even Peyton has said "Bon?" This is one of my favorite pictures from when we brought Peyton home from the hospital...

God is definitely doing a lot of cool stuff in me and my family right now. There is a lot stirring in my heart. I still have some to work through... and then I'll write about it. :) The "stretching" is hard and real, but oh so worth it. Romans 5: 3-5 says this: We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Thanks for reading. xoxo Lauren

My truth today

I have been doing a study about Hosea and as I was wrapping up the last day and spending some time reflecting and praying I had a "down on my knees" kind of moment. At first I really wasn't sure what I have learned over the last couple of weeks; but then I got it. Below is my prayer. It wasn't anything super profound. But it's my heart today and maybe yours.

Lord. I am not sure what I have learned from the study of Hosea. I think it's more subtle. I feel like it's more of the daily ways that I turn from you by the ways I sin. I know that anytime I sin it is as if I turn my back on you. It may not feel as dramatic as the prodigal son or the fall of a whole nation like Israel but it hurts you non the less. 

Thank you that your mercies are new each day. Thank you for pouring grace over my undeserving head. Thank you for loving me so hard and passionately that you wait for me but still pursue me at the same time. Then you welcome me with completely, unhinged arms. Your arms are unhinged because they don't have the functionality to close on me. I know sin is just part of it, and I will daily fall short. But please give me an awareness and a conviction to do life better. When life is messy (which lately has felt like every day) help me to find you in your place of organization and peace. I want to find you before it gets messy because often times when I feel like I'm searching for you it's because I feel lost. The only way I get to that lost place is my own self getting in the way. By seeking you first everything else will fall into place.

Why is that so hard for me? I know the churchy answer is because I'm human. But I want more than that. I want to be better than that. Although that is my heart and desire I am so so thankful for your grace. Thank you for saving me daily even when I am the only sheep that has gone astray. Thank you for reaching your hand out to me and saving me in my day to day when I feel like pulling all my hair out sounds like a better idea than having to deal with a toddler tantrum. 

I think that's what I have learned from my study in Hosea. The whole time I kind of felt like you might not have been talking to me; but this prayer says otherwise. Thank you for showing me how my survival of every day is you giving me a new tomorrow in hopes I will do better and turn it over to you. Thank you for helping me survive yesterday so that I could have another chance to get it right today.

18 months!

Peyton is 18 months! I know I say this every time, but I can't believe it's been a year and a half since the best part of Aaron and I graced us with her presence! We are having SO MUCH FUN!

Stats:

Height: 31.75"

Weight: 22.3 lbs

Diapers: 3, 4 at night

Clothes: 12-18 months and some 18 - 24 months

Shoes: Size 4

Teeth: 12! (bottom 2 incisors should break through any day now making it 14!)

Favorites: Everything about the park, playing with her friends, playing peek-a-boo, crawling all over mommy, chasing and running from daddy, FROZEN, FROZEN and then some more FROZEN, watching Mickey Mouse Club House and Daniel Tiger, stacking objects, putting things in and out of purses and bags, giving hugs, helping with everything, reading books over and over, taking her vitamins, BATH TIME, dancing (she has quite the shoulder moves), swimming and going down the water slide!

Not So Favorites: Getting her face and hands cleaned, sometimes brushing her teeth, sitting still, not getting her way.

Foods: She has become a good eater. She will eat pretty much anything we put in front of her, but she's picky! She might eat it for supper one day and then not want anything to do with it the next day! We know she's finished eating when she starts throwing her meal on the floor and on the wall. She drinks 20-24 oz of whole milk a day and sometimes likes to share a strawberry limeade from Sonic with momma! :) She stopped nursing at 16 months. I was sad at first, but she was so ready and once we got used to the new normal, I felt FREEDOM!!!

Sleeping: She sleeps 11-12 hours a night. After we got back from Las Vegas and she adjusted to the time change she started waking up between 8:00-8:30. I thought she would go back to her 7:30-7:45; but so far, nope! She is pretty much down to just 1 nap. She goes down around 12:30 and sleeps until about 2:30 or 3:00. Except Thursdays. For some reason on Thursday she seems to need 2 naps. It's so weird. Most days, if we're home I will put her in her crib for quiet time in the morning around 10. Most times she will just read or roll around. But on Thursdays... she take a nap. Haha!

Development: Wow. She amazes me every day. (Yes, I am aware every mom thinks their child is amazing, and they are. But you're reading my blog so it's my turn to brag about my little lady.) She can climb ANYTHING, and well. She's quite the climber. I am amazed in 2 ways when it comes to watching her physically accomplish something 1. her ability to do x, y, z and 2. her determination. She doesn't give up and it makes me so very very proud! She has the cutest (and fast!) little run. She loves putting puzzles together. Seriously the first time I watched her put her stacking cups together correctly, I legitimately shed a tear and of course videoed it. (FYI I am not the mom you're going to want to sit next to at sporting events. Sorry.) She can go and get certain objects I ask her to go get. She can pick out what book she wants to read before nap and bed. She likes to mimic, dance, scribble with a crayon, points to things all the time, asks for help and talks like crazy! We have officially hit the 18 month word explosion. But it's mostly only words we understand.

Adventures: 

Nana Camp! Peyton and her cousin Addalyn had their first annual Nana Camp at Nana and Pops house! There was a pool, sand, crafts and a trip to zoo for these sweet girls! They had a blast! By the end of the weekend I know Nana was already planning for next year, and Pops needed a nap! :)

Our cousins Jama, Mike, Jackson and Hunter came to visit! Peyton and Jackson had so much fun! Jackson was so sweet with P! It was so great to see them, and it was also Father's Day so we got to have "cousin lunch" to celebrate the amazing dads!

Peyton's first trip to Las Vegas to visit Papa and Lei Lei! Also, Gma, Aunt Jo Jo, Josh, Uncle Brett and Uncle Todd were there! Peyton experienced a lot of "firsts"... her first trip to the lake, first time to meet her cousin Adeline and her first time to watch fireworks. She loved being at the lake, going to the Discovery Children's Museum, hanging out with Adeline and going to the petting zoo! Wrangling a toddler on the 3 hr flight was quite the team effort! We had a fully stocked snack bar, new books and toys and FROZEN! She wasn't ever fussy, but just sooooo busy the whole time. I felt like I had been working out with 20 lbs weights for 3 hours straight. But all in all, she was great!

We love you so very much Sweet P! You are full of life, so much fun, adventurous, curious about everything, determined and we are loving every minute of having you in our lives!!!

Thanks for reading all about our little lady! xoxo Lauren

Missing her.

So just a heads up... this post might not be the most upbeat I have ever written. But today I just wanted to write a little post about my sweet mother in law, Marsha, who lost her battle to breast cancer 5 years ago today. "If will, grit and determination could cure breast cancer, she would have been cured before diagnosis." Sweet words from Marsha's doctor.

I miss...
...my American Idol watching partner.
...her playful side.
...her cooking.
...her wisdom.
...her heart for the underdog.
...her love for her students.
...her laugh.
...watching her read her Bible during communion every Sunday.
...watching her serve in her community.
...her overbearing mothering. :)
...the way she called Aaron "A" or "Big un".
...hearing her call her dad "daddy."
...how she loved her boys fiercely and with every ounce of her being.
...her determination.
...our shopping trips.
...her being my family.
...the smile she brought to Aaron's face.
...holidays with her.
...her hugs.
...her.

Just to name a few.

She was a pretty amazing woman. Don't get me wrong... that overbearing mother thing was rough when we first got married because gosh dangit "I am Aaron's wife and I can take care of him!" haha! Looking back, and now that I am a mother... it was stupid for me to feel territorial. Sure if I could go back, I would use that as a learning opportunity. But hey... first years of marriage are meant for learning, right?

I know everything happens for a reason and God has a plan greater than me. But that doesn't make me miss her any less and it doesn't mean days like this are easy. Yes losing her was hard and our first 2 years of marriage was rougher than some (she was diagnosed with breast cancer a month after we got married and Aaron's mom and dad practically lived with us in our apartment for 3 days of every week our whole first year of marriage. Then after she died getting through the "year of firsts" wasn't a walk in the park) but I wouldn't trade the strength and foundation of my marriage for anything. Marsha's death doesn't define our family, but it did help shape us into the "Aaron and Lauren" we are today.

Aside from the strength in my marriage, another way God has blessed me since Marsha's death is the people he has chosen to put in my life. I now have a sister in law that is my best friend. She never met Marsha, but shares a passion for the woman that raised our husbands (Aaron has a brother, Brandon). Aaron's dad has remarried and it's so much fun "doing life" with our new HUGE family! (Seriously! There are now 5 siblings... once they are all married there will be 10 of us. Imagine if we all have at least 2 kids?!?! There are currently only 2 grandkids... but it's only going to get more fun and crazy from here!) Even though I don't have the opportunity to learn about life from Marsha anymore, God has placed many amazing women in my life as mentors at my church. In my Ladies Bible Study this past spring semester I gained a lot of mother-in-law-like women who have taught me how to love my husband better, how to cook better, how to be a servant, how to follow God with all my heart, how to be the best mom and how to be the best Lauren I can. I truly cherish these women.

I miss her like crazy. Like a painful kind of crazy. What makes me the most sad is knowing how much Aaron misses her and knowing how much Marsha wanted to be a grandmother. I really think she would have liked Peyton. ;)

There are times that missing her makes me sad, but I mostly smile when I think about the amazing woman she was.

Here's a picture of her and Aaron dancing at our wedding (This may or may not have been right after they did the "toilet bowl." It's a crazy dance move. I told you she had a playful side.). Pure joy is what you see all over her face.

 xoxo Lauren

Enough

Over the last week I have had the same message given to me twice… You are enough. To be honest, I didn't know I really needed to hear this, but after really spending time with God asking why are you telling me this? I broke down and realized the wall I had placed up. I did need to hear that. The ways in which I felt inadequate were not slapping me in the face.

The first time I heard it, I was at the movies at a Girls' Night Out with the ladies from my church small group. The movie we saw was "Moms' Night Out" - totally fitting, right? One of the moms in the movie is the mom that's a hot mess with 3 kids, messy house, minivan, always in her pjs and permanently has the "I haven't slept in x amount of years of my oldest child" look on her face. (Not all those attributes describe me… I don't have a minivan.) She is longing to feel like she has a purpose, to be enough, to feel like all that she is doing is good and worth it. During the "ah-ha" moment of the movie the mom is asked "Who are you not enough for? You?" That's it. That's the answer. Who do I not feel enough for? Me. The standards I have in my head have been set by me. Sure I can blame it on other mommy blogs or other social medias. But I allow that to be my standard.

We will come back to enough.

The second time I heard it, I was sent a link by my sweet sister in law to a Mother's Day sermon given at her church. The text in the sermon was John 4 - The Samaritan Woman. I listened to the sermon while I was getting ready yesterday morning. FYI… putting mascara on wet eye lashes is dumb. I didn't realize how emotional I would be after listening to that sermon. I can definitely relate to the Samaritan Woman. Sure, I don't find my validation in having 5 husbands, but substitute in appearance after having a baby, having only the very best for P (i.e. clothes, sippy cup, cutest shoes, etc), making sure I am staying on top of her development feeling like if she is behind on one single thing it's my fault. Lately it's been feeling inadequate to be a stay at home mom because I wasn't a teacher before having P. I have it in my head that teachers are better equipped to raise their children at home because they are skilled in child development. They know how to do the best activities, the best books to read or they know how to teach their children better. That's not true.

I have also been praying for a purpose. For some reason I have just felt kinda lost in being a stay at home mom and wife.

I love Peyton Jo with every single fiber of my being, but she doesn't define my life.
She doesn't make me who I am.
She doesn't validate me.
She is not the measure of my worth.

I matter because the son of God died for me so that I can be the daughter of God. 

In John 7 Jesus says: Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the scriptures declare 'Rivers of living water will flow from the heart.' What He means is the SPIRIT. In Acts 2 Jesus POURS the Holy Spirit in us. So what is flowing from my heart is flowing from the Holy Spirit. He pours into me so that I can be validated within. I am validated because HE is in me. That's ENOUGH. That makes me ENOUGH. It will never be well with my soul until Jesus is the well in my soul. The sweet voice of the Spirit whispers "You are Enough. You are the best mother to Peyton and you are the best wife to Aaron because I chose you to be and I am within you always."

I am not lost. I am exactly where I need to be… doing what God designed me to do. He made me to be a mom and wife (I like to call it Domestic Engineer). Some day I might go back to working outside the home or I may just dive head first into PTA and being the President of EVERYTHING my children are involved in. But those things will come as God has planned. I don't have to always be looking for something more. As long as I am abiding in Him, I will be guided down the path He has for me. I just need to listen and follow. I don't need to always be searching.

When the Samaritan Woman left the well she left her jar at the well because she no longer needed it to carry the water. She had the "living water" within. I want to be a bucket for Jesus. I want to be carrying the water and sharing it with others. Yes, I know, this is a metaphor. But I want to share with others the "living water" that God offers.

I really didn't know I needed that message, so He gave it to me twice. I got it.

So maybe you needed to hear it today. You are enough. You matter because God died for YOU. You are bought by HIS blood. xoxo Lauren

Some of the ladies of my first family from church.

And because you need one of my little sweetness in her happy place…

My little 15 month old

Miss P is 15 months old (this past Wednesday the 30th)! She had her well check today. Here are her stats and some pictures! :)

Stats:

Height: 30.5"

Weight: 20.4 lbs

Diapers: Size 3

Clothes: 12-18 months

Shoes: size 4

Favorites: Swinging, being outside, bath time, playing with friends, giving hugs, hugging our dogs Bonnie and Piglet, watching Frozen, listening to the Frozen soundtrack, sitting in her rocking chair, carrying mommy's purse, hanging out in her learning tower in the kitchen, playing peek-a-boo, carrying around an Easter basket that always has about 25 plastic eggs in it, waving "hi" and "bye" like crazy and lately she has been singing "byyyye - byyyyyyye" in a sweet, soft voice. Maybe we have a singer?!

The Easter Basket with eggs

Waving at EVERYONE in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office

Mommy's purse

Being outside

Your "Learning Tower" has truly been a life saver and you LOVE it!!!

Not Your Favorites: You are starting to throw mini-tantrums when we take something away from you that you want. Meal time is usually a very frustrating time for us. Still don't like to take vitamins and you still don't like to sit still!

Foods: Oh man. Right now meal time is very frustrating. I usually make a meal for you "I just know you're going to LOVE." Then, it ends up being rapid-fire thrown to the floor. If you eat it, you will LOVE it for lunch… and then, weird, you hate it for dinner. Same meal. There are a few things I can ALWAYS get you to eat… like a boss. Strawberries, grapefruit, little cuties, blueberries (yes, pretty much any fruit), most of the time grilled cheese sandwich, lentil quesadilla, sweet potato pancakes and avocado. The fruit (FOR SURE strawberries), avocado and sweet potato pancakes are the guaranteed foods you'll eat. You pretty much gobble them up faster than I can chop them up. We talked in depth to your pedi about it today and she didn't seem concerned. She just encouraged me to not make meal time a battle field. Help a sister out, would ya?!? I am happy to report you LOOOOVE whole milk. Whew! So now we're working on completely weaning. Right now you're only nursing morning and night. But some mornings you can go without. My goal is to be completely weaned by 18 months and before we go to Vegas which is end of June! I think we can do it!

Sleeping: 10-11 hours at night and 2 naps a day. Your naps are usually 1.5 - 2 hours long. I have noticed the last couple of days that if you don't have a full morning nap or one at all, you're ok! But I am still hoping we can hold onto the 2 naps for a little longer!

Development: Waving and saying "HI!" and "Bye!", putting together a puzzle, saying "book" and bringing us a book and crawling in our laps for us to read to you, climbing: you can now climb into your learning tower on you own, you are learning to walk down the steps at the playground by holding onto the rails, you can go down the slide all by yourself, you can follow commands like "bring it to mommy", "look", "watch" or "see?" You have learned to point to what you want, you can bring things to momma, you have said "thank you" a few times, you get really excited and point to what you want more of and you have started singing! You are quite a problem solver, I have seen you try many ways to achieve a goal (that must be your daddy's "engineer" coming out in you) I am sure there is more, but that's all I can think of now!

Adventures:

Easter in Ft. Worth with your Great Papa, Uncle B and Aunt Sarah and The Beardsleys!

Bluebonnets!

 Family Bowling!

 Lots of playing with Ryan!

Play date at Inflatables Katy with your new friend, Jazzlynn!

 (This is a little out of order) Big Bunny Party at church. You were not a fan of the Easter Bunny!

Children's Museum with Charlotte!

Happy 15 months little P! We love you very much! :)

xoxo Lauren

Submission

Submission: being "sub" his mission.

This Spring semester in Ladies Bible Class has been such a blessing to me. To be quite honest, it was life changing for me. The wonderful women I have grown to know and love over the last 10 weeks or so will forever have a pretty large footprint in my life. These last 10 weeks will be one of the influences in my life that I will always remember shaped me into the woman, wife, lover, mother, servant and friend I strive daily to be. I learned how to love my husband in a way of respect, how to be submissive to my husband (ladies don't balk at this. I will explain.), how to be a confident mother to Peyton, how to be hospitable, how to be kind, how to be pure and even how to be better in the kitchen.

In my prayers over the last 10 weeks I have really prayed to grow deeper in my relationship with God as well as with Aaron. As we all know, when you pray for the heavy stuff like that, God WILL give you the opportunity to grow. Sometimes it just doesn't look as pleasant while you're in the middle of it. (So when you pray such a bold prayer, be ready. Pray that the eyes of your heart would be completely open to seeing God work. Seek God, and hang on. He's there with you. He doesn't throw fuel on the fire and then back off. While He's refining you, He's right there holding your hand. There will be moments when you want to throw your hands up -- instead squeeze His hand harder.)

So after I made my bold prayer, for weeks I still just kind of felt like I was going through the motions and I couldn't really see God working. But over these weeks slowly but surely Aaron and I started to get on different pages. It started with little things here and there. Then this past weekend we were all. over. the. place. It felt like we couldn't agree on anything. Plans were difficult for us to make, parenting Peyton as a united front was frustrating and then on the way home as we were attempting some adult conversation - we were on different planets. We were talking about future plans for our family and we were waaaaay off. We were both in tears and I was terrified. Above all else in this world, my #1 priority is my relationship with God and my #2 is my marriage. My #2 was hurting this weekend.

When my marriage is hurting, my first thought goes to my divorced parents. Divorce is not an option for my marriage. {side note: I love my parents dearly, they know I do not condone their divorce. I know that if they could go back I am sure they would do things differently-- I mean waaaay back, not just the act of getting divorced. But that's not how my or their lives turned out and we have all moved on and they are extremely happy. As am I, for them. That is a whole other blog post that I pray God would give me the words to write someday. :)} Anyway. So when I allow Satan to seep in for that moment and whisper the words "divorce," I freak out. It was only momentarily but it usually makes me sick to my stomach.

We kind of just agreed to disagree and we left that conversation "on the road trip." I began praying that God would work on my heart. Tuesday during our last Bible Class for this semester, God started to put it all together for me. It was our last class so I was reflecting over all that I had learned in the last 10 weeks and our lesson on Loving Our Husbands just kept resonating in my heart. Aaron has our family's absolute best interest at heart. He is very selfless in leading our family. I needed to let him lead. I needed to submit to him.

God intended the following for this world:
God -> Christ -> Man -> Woman

I needed to respect my husband and allow him to lead me. If I force my ideas of how our family should play out, I undermine the authority God gave him to lead me. I undermine his role in our family. That's on me. At the end of the day, God calls on Aaron to lead our family. That's a huge responsibility He placed on my husband's shoulders.

I went back and re-read some notes I took during my Ladies Bible Class and a woman I hold with such high respect said "When we get the headship order wrong, there is not order in our home." That hit me hard this morning. That chaos is what I was experiencing this weekend because I had it all wrong. I wanted Aaron to do things my way, selfishly. I forgot how our home needs to "run".

Submission doesn't mean I am weak or don't have a voice. I think it gives me a stronger voice. I am the woman God chose to help Aaron lead. Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Gen. 2:18 Substitute "man" with "husband." It is not just my purpose, but an honor for me to help my husband lead. His mission is to lead our family, I am "sub" to that. Sub means "situated under or beneath." I imagine myself as a support beam holding up Aaron and his mission to lead our family.

Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable with you. Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. xoxo Lauren

Choosing Peace

My head is just swirling with excitement after my devo time this morning! So I thought I would share! 

I am studying 2 different devotionals at the moment. Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and another one online called She Reads Truth. www.shereadstruth.com (doing the blog from my phone- that's how excited I am to share! And I'm not sure how to do links yet. No time to figure it out... I just want this excitement outta me!!!)

Two verses hit me hard today:

But he was wounded for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his stripes we are healed. 

-Isaiah 53:5

And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

-Exodus 33:14

When I read the first one this is how I read it: HE was wounded for MY transgressions. HE was crushed for MY iniquities. HE was chastised to bring ME peace. And yet I am HEALED?!? That hit me so hard. He was wounded, crushed and chastised but I am the one who needs healing? After that hit me in the face I realized what He offers me. He offers me peace and healing and what do I do with that? I choose to let hurt and resentment and problems take up the space in my heart. Yes. How selfish? 

Que the 2nd key verse in Exodus from above. He is always with me but when I CHOOSE to be in His Presence He gives me rest (aka peace.) 

He went through agonizing physical pain to give me that peace and all I have to do is choose to accept it? It's mine to take and yet my flesh chooses to hurt? We all have situations in our lives that hurt us, mine are no different than yours. But Jesus is offering us peace, not problems. In the words of Queen Elsa from Frozen (seriously Peyton's favorite... Ok and mine.)... Just "let it go." Lay those problems at his feet. He was wounded, crushed and chastised so that HE can take my problems so that I can have peace. All I have to do is CHOOSE to be in HIS PRESENCE and lay everything at His feet. Done (for today).

I know some of you might be going "duh, I got that. Moving on to the next blog." But this morning my quiet time hit me with a childlike faith. It was simple. It all fit together in a neat little package, and I wanted to share just in case there was 1 person who needed it simplified for them today. (Like I clearly needed.)

Thank you for reading. Xoxo Lauren

14 months

My little Sweet P is 14 months and it's crazy to think I officially have a toddler. We have so much fun together. Here is some greatness about my favorite little lady:

Stats: 

Height: 30"

Weight: 20 lbs

Diapers: Size 3

Clothes: 12-18 months

Shoes: size 4

Favorites: Being tickled, when daddy gets home, playing with mommy's iPhone, swinging at the park, being outside, going to Sonshine Class at church, rolling around on the floor, playing with other kids, chasing Bonnie and Piglet and bath time is still an ultimate fav. Here are some pics of her favs:

NOT favorites: when mommy's phone is taken away, being at mommy's feet (she wants to be in the action. Her Learning Tower is being delivered today!), taking vitamins and sitting still.

Foods: sweet potato pancakes, french toast sticks, cinnamon apples, spinach, strawberries, quesadillas (usually filled with quinoa, lentils, spinach or chicken), hummus, chicken, grilled cheese, bananas (these can cause constipation so she can't have very much), animal crackers, yogurt, cheese, black beans and green beans. We are working on the Whole Milk thing and so far she likes Unsweetened Almond Milk and she loved the Horizon 1% Milk Drink Box, but she isn't a super fan of Whole Milk. We're still nursing. Not something I EVER thought I would say "Yes I'm still nursing my 14 month old." But she isn't ready to give it up completely. So we're still in the process of weaning. Aaron and I are going to the Shell Houston Open all day next Saturday and P is staying with some really good friends of ours. So she will only be able to nurse twice. I really think she'll be completely fine because I won't be there and she does really well being around other people. But the true test will be how the next day goes! We'll see if she can only handle nursing twice a day.

Sleeping: She still takes 2 naps a day that usually last 1.5-2 hrs. She sleeps 11-12 hours straight at night.

Schedule: Wakes around 7:45 am, nap at 9:15, nurse/snack when she wakes up, lunch around 12:30-1:00, nurse then nap at 2:15, snack when she wakes up, play time and we try to go outside, dinner around 5:45-6 pm then play play play until daddy gets home - mommy usually turns on the tv at 7 (Henry Hugglemonster is on or we watch Frozen!) to help keep P occupied while I pick up the house and finish dinner, then she gets about 15 - 20 minutes of time with Aaron and then it's bedtime between 7:30-8.

Development: She can say mama, dada, thank you, Diggy - which is Piggy short for Piglet (and on occasion I have heard Jo Jo and PawPaw), When you ask her what does the (fill in the blank of one of the following animals) she will answer you: "cow: moooooo", "puppy: (high pitched) arf arf", "kitty: meooow", "duck: dack, dack", "lion: raaaaaw". She has also learned to take small bites of food which is nice because I don't have to cut up some things anymore. I can give her a small, whole pancake and she can eat the whole thing by holding it by herself and taking small bites. She has started walking with her hands down by her side instead of holding them out to keep her balance. She can blow kisses. She can give hugs and kisses on command. She has learned how to push buttons and she can turn the lights off (we're still working on turning them on.) She can close doors. She is learning to give us things when we ask for them.

Adventures: 

St. Paddy's Day.

 McDonad's Houston Children's Festival with Katie, Jackson and Tricia.

 The Grove Donutz. First donut! It had Nutella, Banana and Caramel.

First Hibachi Steakhouse experience at Shogun.

Hand Foot and Mouth Disease gave you sores in your throat and 104.5 fever. Not a fun time.

First fun mommy/daughter outing. We had Panera Bread, a little shopping and play time!

 The park!

Happy 14 months sweet girl. We have loved every second of being your mama and dada in these last 14 months! xoxo Lauren